I’m sure you’ve stumbled across Mary Hendricks — aka @theverymarylife — in your online travels. She’s one of the many funny moms we here at Scary Mommy follow; she’s known for her very real dispatches from life as a mom to three young kids, posting videos like her hilarious running series “I’m Happy To Be Your Birth Control,” where she offers up glimpses of mom life. Plus, she’ll have you convinced that vertical Christmas lights really are the way to go.
I recently got a chance to chat with Hendricks over Zoom, and it turns out, her goal is pretty simple: “I just want moms to feel good,” Hendricks told me. “That was why I started my page — I hate moms feeling alone in it.”
We chatted about summer chaos, juggling three kids, and wondering what on earth the neighbors would say if they could hear what’s on her earphones while she mows.
Scary Mommy: It’s summer, season of parenting chaos. How’s it treating you?
Mary Hendricks: It’s actually been a blur, because I feel like the lack of routine is just even more Groundhog Day. I feel like I’m already in Groundhog Day.
We’re hitting the middle part where I’m like, “Okay, we’re really getting close.” I’m craving school, but also I’m not fully there yet. We still have another month. I feel like some parents, they’re a week out and they’re probably feeling it.
SM: What stage of parenting are you in?
MH: My oldest is a little older than 6 and a half, my middle is going to be 5 next month, and then my youngest is 2 and a half. We’re not having any more kids; we were kind of on the fence with that, so now that that’s closed, we’re officially in the storyline.
I’m no longer in the phase of looking up baby-led weaning or the best toys for kids. I get called “bruh” now. That’s the phase I’m in — where they’re still little kids, but also they’re starting to be their own little people.
SM: What’s been the hardest part of three kids?
MH: I felt like one to two really rocked my world. But I also think that the circumstances were different. For me, one to two, it was during the pandemic. I had two under 2. I think I had undiagnosed postpartum depression. I know I wanted to go and talk to someone, but the pandemic shut everything down. And then when we had the third, I actually loved it, because I felt like I was better prepared. I had my second C-section. My first delivery was a disaster, but my third was my second C-section, so that was better. I felt like I started off on a strong note.
What caught me off guard my third time around was definitely postpartum depression, but it hit around six months. I think it was just because I was in such a whirlwind that I didn’t realize until I noticed five to six months in I was really not doing so great.
I think it actually was easier for me accepting chaos into my world. The second time, it wasn’t so easy. Third was chaotic, and I always tell everyone that. I’m like, “It’s absolute shitshow.” But I can pick my battles better.
What’s hard is the dynamics between each of your kids. It’s hard to really independently give them that focus, and that was hard for me and it still is. I’m really struggling with middle child syndrome, one of those that you have in your head constantly that you’re always thinking about.
SM: So you’re a stay-at-home mom, right?
MH: Yes, technically. I say that as with an asterisk because yes, I’ve always been, but content creation has been a job.
I have tried being very transparent about that because my circumstances now have vastly changed, obviously, from when I started my page four years ago. I was a “stay-at-home mom,” meaning that we lived solely off of one income, and we budgeted like crazy, and we still technically do.
There are people, content creators, that really have made this an enterprise. They’ve made it like a brand and really have spun businesses off of that. I don’t really know if that’s what I want in my trajectory. I’m kind of like, “I do this for fun. I do this as my creative outlet.” Obviously, yeah, it’s been great to have financial opportunities come our way, but I don’t know if I want to do this forever.
So I’m home in terms of the “I’m always here,” and not a whole lot’s changed. I think the isolation bit of stay-at-home motherhood is the one thing I can relate to.
[At this point, one of Hendricks’s kids popped their head in the door to inform her their 8-month-old puppy had peed on the stairs.]
SM: How are you feeling about the transition to dog mom as well as human mom?
MH: Good, although right now, it’s crazy. She’s 8 months old, and she’s got little anxious tendencies like myself. She’s definitely my dog child. But it’s actually a good little fit.
SM: I’m curious to hear a little bit about how you got started doing content creation. The thing I hear from a lot of people is that the pandemic played a big role in their story.
MH: Yeah, very similar. The pandemic pushed a lot of people online. If you think about social media in general, it really blew up during that time with TikTok and stuff like that. My page actually started off as a personal training space; I had done that as my job prior. And then when I got pregnant, I started to get certified in more pregnancy and prenatal stuff, and I started to work with more moms.
When I had my firstborn, I left my job being a personal trainer, so I was home. I tried doing the blog thing and I tried curating these perfectly staged photos, because that’s what Instagram was all about. And I would get so frustrated because my kids didn’t want to participate. And I’d be like, “God, what is going on? How come they’re doing this so easily and I’m not?”
It was such an aesthetic place that you were just stuck in this comparison game. And it was when videos started that I just said, “Let’s have fun with it.” I put out a goofy one on Instagram. I remember posting on my Stories, wondering if I was going to get banned or something, because it said “motherfucker” in it. And I was like, “I don’t know if I’ll get in trouble. Well, let’s try it.”
I didn’t, and the response was good. I think the pandemic probably gave me a little bit of I-don’t-care attitude. But I was like, “Let me just post the reality,” because I felt alone. I would just go through these photos, and I know that they were trying to depict reality, but I knew it wasn’t reality. And I was like, “I need something better than this and I need to, I don’t know, maybe find if someone else is crazy, too.” Because that’s how I felt. And it turns out there’s a lot of us that feel the same exact way.
SM: What does your family think about the content creation? Are your kids aware of it?
MH: My oldest is starting to understand it a little bit. She knows that I create videos online. I don’t want them to always think of me as having my phone in my hand, but I also want them to understand that when mommy does have her phone, it’s not because I’m ignoring them. It’s a work thing.
I don’t think they know the grand scheme of things. My oldest daughter… was going through my Instagram and saw a video I put up, and she saw how many likes were on it and she’s like, “Oh, my God. That’s how many people love you.”
And I was like, “Well, they like it.” And she was like, “So you do this so people love you?” And I was like, “no,” but also this is why kids should not have social media. So, she’s starting to understand it a little bit, but they don’t know a whole ton.
But my parents, my rest of my family, they get it. They’re supportive. Funny enough, my mom doesn’t follow me. She’s like, “It’s not my stage of life.” And I’m like, “Mom.”
I think she tries to keep it separate. And I appreciate it, because it’s hard when you feel like your parents are watching and when you really want to get vulnerable. I’m never doing anything that would embarrass my family or any of that, but there’s a difference of how you act with your mom there versus anywhere else.
SM: Who are your favorite follows? What’s your feed look like?
MH: I have so many big creators and little creators that I love. @chrys.marie_, I love her. She’s a bigger creator, but I love her. She does not give a flying F about anything that she shares, and I actually really appreciate it.
I love Katie Costa (@thekatiecosta). She’s very extroverted, so she’s good encouragement for someone like me who doesn’t like to go out very often to get out. Made for Motherhood; I love her because she is very, very informative on hormone stuff with moms. Jessi Meeks. I love her; she’s funny as all heck. The Snuggles Is Real; Rachel Engelbarts. I have so many people that I just follow, and I’m so glad that I’ve been able to meet them. @sheisapaigeturner, love her. @chanwiththeboys, love her. I have so many.
I’ve made it very known that I am a very even-keeled person. I don’t care if we have nothing in common. If you breastfed and I did formula, I don’t care about any of that stuff. I can usually have a conversation with moms and I’ve made that a very open place. I draw the line when I see moms being incredibly judgmental. There’s one thing to have an opinion, and there’s another to cast judgment.
I’m all over the place. I have moms that are crunchy and I have other moms that are absolutely not. And I’m like, “I don’t care. I’ll follow you because you provide something.” It’s good.
SM: Do you have a favorite thing you’re streaming right now or a favorite thing you’ve recently binged or something?
MH: I have my comfort shows. I’m a big Outlander girl. I love Call the Midwife. Under the Tuscan Sun is my favorite movie. Harry Potter, I’ll watch those all the time. Lord of the Rings, my husband and I will put those on if we’re falling asleep on the couch. We’ve seen those a million times.
There’s nothing really that good out right now. That’s the hard part.
I’ve been reading more these days.
SM: What are you reading?
MH: The ACOTAR series.
SM: Oh my God, those are so compelling.
MH: It’s like Beauty and the Beast plus Twilight, plus 50 Shades of Grey. Except sometimes I’m mowing the lawn, and I’ll mow the lawn with my earphones and I’ll be listening to it, and I’m like, “Oh, my God — if the neighbor knew what I was listening to right now.”
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Photographs by Seth Caplan
Photo Director: Alex Pollack
Editor in Chief: Kate Auletta
SVP Creative: Karen Hibbert
