Parenting isn’t easy, period. Obviously, raising a whole child is not for the weak, but add in the invisible labor of homemaking… yeah, it’s a lot. And, moms, if you had a sneaking suspicion that it was a bit more work for you than dad, it turns out you’re not wrong.
A new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family proves what, let’s be honest, you already knew: moms are carrying the majority of the mental load for their families. The researchers, collaborators from the University of Bath and the University of Melbourne, found that mothers dealt with 71 percent of the “cognitive household labor,” while fathers handled only 45 percent.
“This kind of work is often unseen, but it matters,” explained Dr. Ana Catalano Weeks, one of the lead researchers. “It can lead to stress, burnout and even impact women’s careers. In many cases, resentment can build, creating strain between couples.”
The researchers conducted a survey of 3,000 parents of children under 18 from across the United States, of various ages, races, ethnicities, education levels and family structures. Notably, the researchers also included LGBTQ+ and single parents, making the results relevant for the spectrum of modern families.
The survey asked parents who in their household was responsible for various tasks, in two distinct categories. First, “daily” tasks, like deciding what meals to cook and keeping track of the family calendar, which require constant attention. Then, “episodic” tasks, such as noticing when something like a dishwasher needs a repair, or researching bank accounts or insurance options.
The survey revealed that mothers were responsible for 79 percent of “daily” tasks, more than double of what fathers shoulder, at 37 percent. While fathers take on more of the “episodic” responsibilities, at 65 percent, mothers also handle 53 percent of these tasks, as well.
The researchers noted that the overlap in “episodic” tasks reveals that mothers and fathers duplicate mental work, rather than split it. Even in traditionally male tasks, like organizing family finances, both parents tended to take responsibility, and at similar rates, at 61 percent for mothers and 57 percent for fathers.
This unequal shouldering of household tasks likely extends beyond the home.
“According to Gallup data cited in relation to this research, working mothers are twice as likely as fathers to consider reducing their hours or leaving their jobs due to parental responsibilities,” the researchers explained. “This suggests that the disproportionate mental load at home may be influencing critical career decisions for women.”
The study also combatted the myth that women are “naturally” better parents, or more inclined to household tasks. They found that single mothers and fathers handle mental load equally, with single fathers taking on significantly more responsibility than partnered fathers.
Researchers also found a perception gap between parents. Both parents tended to overestimate their overall share of household responsibilities they took on, compared to the percentage revealed in their task-by-task breakdown from the survey. However, fathers were more likely than mothers to overestimate their share of the mental load, and more likely to assume the load was shared equally, even when it was not.
This unequal distribution of the mental load can, and should, be addressed in conversations between partners. But, Dr. Catalano Weeks pointed out that policy changes can be made to help parents reach more equitable arrangements.
“Going forward, the challenge for governments and employers who care about attracting the top talent is how to create policies that are supportive of both mothers and fathers sharing the unpaid work at home. One policy that comes to mind is well-paid, gender-neutral parental leave — which both the U.K. and U.S. are way behind on compared to the rest of Europe,” she said.
Hopefully, we will someday live in a world where these policy solutions are a reality — but until then, you can just send this study to anyone who dares to suggest you’re not working hard enough.
